Simon visits Otake (Nakanoshima)
I hit ‘random article’ on Wikipedia and then rant about whatever I see. This week: Otake (Nakanoshima). A volcano! I’m still excited. And with that we begin this week with a very obtuse reference to...
View ArticleHow to Not Give a Fuck About Valentine’s Day and Still Get Laid: A Beginner’s...
It’s that time of the year again. No, not Black History Month, though props to my dogs. It’s that time of year when it seems like everyone you know is either: a) in a relationship with a human b) in a...
View ArticleMiley Cyrus Mad Libs
Miley Cyrus has declared the act of intercourse to be “a beautiful and magical thing. …just in CASE you were wondering whether she was still striking terror in the hearts of parents of horny tweens...
View ArticleWhen in Cuba, Try Not to Make an Ass of Yourself
In lieu of the ”OH EHM GEE you guys look at all these pictures of my summer abroad, oh my gawd I’m having the most incredible adventure” Facebook album, I’ve opted to express my feelings on Cuba, a...
View Article27 Reasons Why You Just Can’t Write that Paper Right Now
1. You were trying to go to the library but it took too goddamn long to cross Sheridan. 2. The government was shut down. 3. You were looking for the crepe place in Norris. 4. You got impaled by a biker...
View ArticleRose Returns, D Rises
CHICAGO–After nearly 15 months of intense rehabilitation and sitting on the sidelines, Derrick Rose has made his return to the NBA. Despite a lukewarm 4-for-15 12-point performance last night against...
View ArticleOne Student’s Biker Profile
I wake up 10 minutes before my class all the way across campus. My carbon footprint is way smaller than yours. My calves are rock-fucking-solid. I only have one testicle. Yes, I’m a biker. And yes,...
View ArticleWhy Having a Small Penis is Really Not That Bad
Hey you! You with the small penis! After years and years of society telling you that “bigger is better”, I am here to tell you that having a small wiener actually isn’t all that bad. In fact, there are...
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